Parody  Β·  Not a government website. No affiliation with any agency, official, or public figure. Nothing here is financial advice.
πŸͺ™

TRUMP IRA.FUN Parody

Distribution Protocol Β· Series 2026
Idle
Certificate of Participation

Retirement, but the payments start in three minutes.

β€”
Next scheduled match
Program idle
Awaiting the operator
✦ ✦ ✦

Terms of the Program

Three rules. No forms, no signatures, no claims.
I

Enrol by holding

There is no application. Acquire the coin, hold it above the vesting threshold, and your wallet is your enrolment.

II

Receive the match

Each cycle the treasury distributes a real tokenized asset to every eligible wallet, weighted by holdings and capped so no single account takes the pot.

III

Stay vested

Your vested balance is recorded each cycle. Keep it and keep earning. Reduce it and the penalty applies.

The Distribution Asset

You are paid in something that isn't this coin.
Assetβ€”
Mintβ€”
Reference priceβ€”
Distributed per cycleβ€”

Every payment is an ordinary on-chain transfer. Verify it yourself rather than trusting this page.

Eligibility

Who gets matched.

Early Withdrawal

Every retirement account on earth punishes you for taking it out early.

So does this one.

When a cycle runs, your balance is compared against the vested balance previously recorded for you. If it has fallen below that mark by more than the tolerance, three things happen at once.

Accrued match
Forfeited. Reset to zero.
This cycle
Excluded. No payment.
Vesting
Re-set at the new, lower balance.

Schedule

How the cycle is calculated.
Cycle lengthβ€”
Per-cycle distributionβ€”
Eligible windowβ€”
Weightingβ€”
Per-wallet capβ€”
Excluded addressesβ€”
SnapshotLive, at cycle start

Why there is a cap

Payments scale with your position, but no single wallet may take more than a set share of any cycle β€” without that, one whale collects the program and everybody else watches. The cap loosens automatically when very few wallets are eligible, so the full cycle always goes out.

Your Statement

Look up any wallet.

Read-only. Nothing is requested, connected, or signed.

Payment Record

Every cycle this program has run.
CycleRecipientsDistributedPenaltiesStatus
No cycles have run yet.

Principal Accounts

Largest recipients to date.
#AccountCyclesTotal received
No accounts yet.

The Coin

β€”
Hold it to be matched. That is the only mechanism.